I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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