You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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