shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
