Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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