a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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