We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
