I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
