Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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