is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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