ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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