Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
