he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
