I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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