would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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