I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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