If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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