the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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