I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
