I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
