I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
