after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
