You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
