You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
