he shaved USA in his pubs
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
