I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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