I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
