Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
