i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
