420 ftw
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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