I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
