You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
