I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
