Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
