i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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