Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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