i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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