Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
