I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
