Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
