operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
