His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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