She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just googled if crying burns calories
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
