Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
