He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
