I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My vagina is officially offended.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
