i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have fence marks all over my body
Let's get the cat blown out
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
