It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
