What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
