Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
BRING THE BAGELS
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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