yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
