I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
