You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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