how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
