I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
