now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
